France's very helpful advice column
by luna snow demon
Summary: France actully gets a love advice column with his helper/lover Canada! Send him your problems and he'll have an answer! Countries and OCs welcomed! Recommended couples inside at the end but don't have to use. Rating depends but I'm gonna say M so go all out!
1. Intro

Ohohohohoh! Hello out there my fellow countries! *pulls rose out of nowhere* It is me the beautiful France or you can call Francis my pretties! But let me tell why I am here today.

I as given my own advice column ohohohohohoh! Or should be more specific? *smirks*

My column is to help those who need my expert advice in the matters of love, relationships, romance, and my personal favorite, sex! *lustful smirk* Isn't that right my dear Matthew~

*Canada pokes his head from around a door* Y-yes. *blushes*

Oh yes I almost forgot! My Matthew will also be helping me with my column as well~

This is the most perfect job for me! *runs hand throw his hair* Because who else could help others in the matter of the heart and body?

I know that blasted tsundere England who won't say he's in love with that stupid American and screw him already and I also know that he secretly lust after me! And-! *gets interrupted*

Uhhhh F-Francis….your going to that dark place a-again….

Oh I am sorry my Matthew. Thinking about England gets me like that. *clams down* but don't worry, you are my love Matthew~

But please my fellow countries please leave your letter in a review to this and I'll get to them as fast as I can.

*flips hair* But as a warning, I like to take my time and enjoy things~ ohohohohoh~

You know that first hand right Matthew?

*blushes like mad* Yy-y-yea I do Francis….

But I must say bye for now and wait for the many letters that come to me~

* * *

Recommended couples that I like but you don't have to use them and you can change or do whatever you want them to have fun:

France/Canada, US/UK, Spain/Romano, Germany/Italy, Turkey/Japan/Greece, Sweden/Finland, Denmark/Norway, Russia/China, Prussia/Austria, Ancient Rome/Germania, Hong Kong/Iceland, Sealand/Latvia, Lithuania/Poland


	2. Romano

A/N: Whatever Canada says will be in italics so you know that it's him talking.

Hello my fellow countries! I am back and I got my first letter asking for advice in the art of love~

*flips hair* Oh and to help me and give advice as well is my beloved Matthew~ Matthew go ahead and say hi to others~

_*standing beside France* H-hello ev-everyone…._

Honhonhonhonhon~ Now that introductions is out of the way, let's get to the first letter and see who needs our help in what.

Matthew~ Would you please bring me the letter and a bottle of red wine with two glasses?

_O-okay, but why do you need two wine glasses?_

Honhonhonhon~ Well isn't that obvious? One glass for me~ *reaches over and strokes his cheek* and the other is for you my sweet~

_*blushes like mad* O-o-okay Fr-Francis, I-I-I'll be r-r-right ba-back. *walks out as fast as he can*_

_*comes back with a silver tray with a letter and a bottle wine and two glasses on it* Here you go Francis._

*takes the tray and sits it on a table* Thank you lovely Matthew~ *kisses his hand* Sit by me please and here you can read the letters if you like. *pours the wine in the glasses*

_Oh o-okay, thank you F-Francis. *sits by him and opens the letter* Oh! The first one is from Romano!_

Oh lovely Romano. Honhonhonhonhon~ *devilish smirk* I can only guess what this letter might say~

_Okay *sweat drop* So the letter says,_

_Dear French Bastard,_

_I really fucking hate myself form asking you for advice, but I don't know where else to turn! So, anyways I'm unsure if the Tomato Bastard loves me or not! He's always saying he loves me, and how cute I am and hugging me an shit, but I am skeptical about all he says. I know everyone likes Veneziano better than me! Everyone always go on about how he's so adorable and sweet and how I should be more like my brother, especially Antonio! I know he tried to trade me for Feliciano when were kids, because I was too much of a god damn handful for him. I'm afraid he's only settling for me because he can't have Feliciano seeing how's he's in love with that stupid potato bastard! How can I know for sure Antonio loves me, and is not just settling for second best? I need to know he loves me for who I am damn it! I hope you have some good advice, although you'll probably just tell me to jump his ass or some perverted shit like that! Also hi Matthew how are you and why are you dating that perverted frog?_

_Signed,_

_Lovino._

Honhonhon~ Just what I thought little Romano would ask. *takes a sip of wine* Since there's a question for you Matthew, I'll let you give your advice first.

_Oh h-hi Lovino...w-well I am fine! Th-thank you for noticing me! A-also I am dating F-Francis because I love him very much...h-he's not always a pervert. *squeaks at his leer* J-just sometimes...a-and I think A-Antonio loves you very much you should just be honest with yourself an-and to him who you are and how you feel about him. I promise you you will be amazed at the results. *giggles shyly*_

Awww~ Thank you Matthew, you are so wise~ And what you said is true. *hands him a glass of wine* Here now you can sit back and relax~

_Okay… *drinks some of the wine*_

Well first off let me assure you, Toni does love you with all his heart and more~ And second, don't be ashamed of asking me for help. Antonio is my good friend and I'm willing to help you out.

Remember when you were little and how me and Turkey and a lot of other people were trying to take you? Antonio fought us with everything he had and went broke trying to keep you and he still gave you everything you wanted without complaint smiling. How many people can say they did all that for you?

And yes back then he did try to trade you for your brother. But then you were a maid and your job was to clean. And let's be fair, you were bad at and broke everything you tried to clean. Your brother was actually good at his job and was damn fine maid. But you have to admit that you were a horrible child and a downright handful.

Toni could have given you away to anyone but he wanted you and fell in love with you.

Honhonhonhonhon~ And Lovino here's a secret about Antonio~

Whenever me, Gilbert, and him go out drinking and he drinks too much, he goes on and on about you. Most of the time he says how much you don't like him. That you hate him and want him dead. How you're always calling him basterd. Truly deep down he believes that you don't love him and could care less about him. It's truly sad Lovino…

So to help you, I say swallow your pride for a minute and tell him that you love and care for him. If you start off by just saying his actual name, it would be like he died and was sent to heaven.

Since your shy, I recommend that you tell him in privacy; just you and him alone.

Try being nice to him every once in a while, let him now you love him. If you show it in even the smallest of ways it would make his heart shore.

Oh and one more thing Lovino. Jumping his, as you say, 'bone' wouldn't hurt you chances ether. *lustful smirk*

The Spanish and Italians are known for being fiery and passionate. Honhonhonhonhon~ when those two things come together, oh my~ only things you imagine~ *rubs legs together*

_Francis…_

Oh Matthew I am sorry but I get so hot and bothered, but I'm lucky that you're here~

_W-what does that mean? *finishes off the wine*_

*leans into him* You can be something I can towel off on~ And judging by all the wine you drunk, you must be very willing~

_Fr-Francis…. *blushes*_

*rubs Matthew's lap* Come with me Matthew~ *picks him up bridal style*

_W-well I hope this h-helped you Lovino and we'll get to the other letters when F-Francis and I are done and r-rested. *blushes*_


	3. Austria

Hello and I'm back again to answer your questions and give you all advice in the art of love~ *strikes a pose*

_*pops up from the corner* A-and I'm here too! I-I'm Canada! B-but you can call m-me Matthew! M-my job is to give ad-advice as well and read the le-letters!_

Yes Matthew and that brake we had from the last letter was very enjoyable~ Honhonhonhonhonhon~

_F-F-F-Francis! P-p-please! *blushes*_

Oh I am sorry my love! Here take this rose as an apology~ *hands him a rose*

_O-okay th-thank you. *takes the rose*But can we start with the letter now…?_

Oh yes I forgot. Would you please read the next letter lovely Matthew~?

_O-okay, *opens the letter* It's from Austria and it says,_

_Dear France,_

_I am having some problems in the bedroom department. Normally for the most part Prussia and I get along well. Except for one thing, Prussia will not let me be on top for a change! It's not that I don't like being on the bottom, it is enjoyable but the fact of the matter is that Gilbert has never let me top and now a days I find our escapades in the bed to be rather boring. I've tried and tried to explain to Prussia that I have needs, and that it would not hurt to try new things. Gilbert however is being stubborn and insists that there is no problem and refuses to let me be on top! I find my lover's attitude extremely frustrating! He is being selfish by ignoring my needs, and I am greatly considering breaking up with him? How could I convince Prussia to let me be on top for a change?_

_Sincerely,_

_Austria._

Oh my, poor dear Roderich…. *dramatic pose* Matthew say what you think about this.

_H-hello Austria I-I might be able to help you with this...normally wh-when me and France m-make love we do roleplay and it usually involves a small bit of bondage. So make a game out of it and say you are the master and he will comply...I-I usually get to be the master and that's how I top France. *blushes heavily*_  
_T-try it. And please don't break up with Prussia it will break his heart._

Yes what my lover says is true, when we roleplay he does get to be the master most of the time.

You should see sweet little Matthew as the master~ It's like he's a new man. My sweet little flower comes alive!

I have been topped many times before, but that was nothing compared to my Matthew~

_*blushes heavily* Uhhhhh Francis you're getting off topic….. can you please give your advice now?_

Oh I am sorry again Matthew but I just love it when we play our games~

_*still blushing* Th-thank you Francis…_

But that's something for another time. Now to give my advice to poor Austria. *runs hand throw his hair*

Like Matthew said, don't break up with him, it will truly break his heart. Gilbert has been in love with all his life. Ever since you two were kids he's had strong feelings for you.

When you two were young he wanted to tell you, but he saw that you were so close to Switzerland, he thought you were in love with him and it broke his poor little heart.

He wanted to tell you again, but he found out that you were married to Miss Hungary. I have never seen him so hurt, so sad, so depressed, and so miserable in all my life. When you two got divorced, life was breath back into him and he was as happy as he can be that he actually got one more chance to be with you.

Roderich, I promise you, he would never intentionally waste this chance he has with you.

And Roderich, give it some thought, he was raised and taught by men to be strong, to never give in, and to never marry, so it's hard for him to change the way he's been taught to live his life. But Roderich, he does love you and he is stubborn, all he needs is someone to show him and open his eyes to the new things.

Now, just like Matthew said, try some bondage. I know that Germany, Prussia, and even you have a strong love for that kind of kink~ Honhonhonhonhon~

Don't let him get say in anything, teat him as if he was your pet. Tie him up and introduce him to your beloved riding crop. Show him your anger with hit of it on his flesh. Punish him for ignoring your needs. Show Gilbert just how dominating you can be~

The Kink lover that I know he is, would want you to top him a lot more often when you show him who's truly in change~

Well I hope that helped you in your little problem, but now I have one of my own….

*smirk* Matthew~ Do you feel like playing some games?

_D-d-do I-I-I get to be t-the m-m-m-master?_

After this, why wouldn't you? Which one do you want to use? The ropes or the handcuffs?

_If I'm the master, then you'll find that out and other things in just a minute~ _

Honhonhonhonhonhonhon~ *gets dragged off by Matthew*


	4. Sweden

_Uhhhhh H-hello ev-everyone… it's me Canada, you know? Matthew? _

_Well me and Francis are here to give you advice in relationships and such but I don't know where Francis is at the moment…_

*walks into the room* Here I am dear Matthew~

_O-oh *blushes* W-where wore you F-Francis?_

Ahhhh~ you forgot my dear? You left me strapped to the bed.

_*blushes heavily* O-o-oh I-I-I-I'm so-so sorry!_

It is fine my love; I need that time to cool down. *pushes the hair out his face*

_So how did y-you get o-out? T-t-those w-w-were handcuffs?_

That's easy~ *brings Matthew's face closer to his* You know I can do amazing tricks with my tongue~ *licks Matthew's lips* Honhonhonhonhonhonhon~

_F-F-F-FRANCIS! P-P-P-PLEASE YOU'RE E-E-EMBREASSINGM-M-ME! *blushes like mad*_

I am sorry Matthew, I'll go into the other room so you can read the letter and give your advice, and I'll come back when you're done. *leaves*

_O-okay, thank you Francis. *opens the letter* It's form Sweden, and it says,_

_Dear Francis,_

_I am in love with Tino, and he means the world to me but there seams to be a problem. Finland appears to be afraid of me. I never noticed until recently, but he always seems so nervous around me, I always assumed that the nervousness was just a part of Tino's personality but when I see him interact with other people like his friend Estonia he's not nervous at all. One time I tried smiling at him and he screamed! I just did it to reassure him I was not trying to scare him! I would never do anything to harm Finland and would do anything to protect him. So why is he so scared of me? What could I do to make him feel more comfortable around me? I could really use your help._

_Sweden._

_Well, __Dear Sweden, I used to be shy and nervous around Francis and when he treated me nicely and showed me love I wasn't so scared._  
_Do something nice for him. Take him out on a date and buy him something nice like a plushie!_

*comes back in* Awwww~ Thank you Matthew, it's my turn now~

_O-okay Francis. *sits down*_

Okay, Sweden, let me put this bluntly, your looks are intimidating. When someone looks at you for the first time, you look like you're about to beat them, kill them, the list goes on. Sorry but that's the truth.

When it comes to you and Tino, it's like Tino is a timid little bunny and you're a big strong grizzly bear. The little bunny would run away from the bear no question asked. All it knows is that it doesn't want to be attacked or killed.

You just scare him on first appearance and you also come off a little too strong when it comes to your feelings.

Sweden, Berwald if I can call you that, you called him your wife after, I don't know, two days of running away together without saying you love him or like him or anything, just 'he's my wife' without any warning at all. That would make anyone a little scared.

So Berwald, I'll say try the slow and easy way. First to ease the atmosphere between you two, try relaxing and talking a little more to him. Get to know him better and let him know more about you.

Once you've broke the ice somewhat with, take him places, show him around and buy him some simple things like Matthew said a plushie.

It's ok if you tell Tino that you like him, but try saying it when he's used to being around you first before you do.

After that, try not to come off to strong and straight forward with your feelings. Let Finland make the first move in some cases. Like if he wants to kiss you, you kiss him back or if he says he loves you, you say it back. If he makes the first move it shows you that he's ready to return your feelings at just a slower pace.

I know you might not like taking it slow, but it would pay off in your favor in the end. It would pay off for you tenfold and love between you two would be strong.

So with that said, Matthew I give you this. *gives him a light kiss on the cheek*

_What was that for? *holds his cheek and blushes*_

To show you that the romance is still strong.


	5. Latvia

Hello everyone~ Me and Matthew are back! We went on a little vacation to the south of France~ Honhonhonhonhon~ and I mean my country of France.

_Yes it w-was very fun, nice and p-peaceful. _

Yes it was, and you also don't mind going to the other south of France~ honhonhonhonhon~ *tilts Matthew's head up and smirks*

_*looks down and blushes* F-F-Francis t-they don't w-w-wanna know that!_

Well we know a little about then, why not let them know a little about us.

_W-well it's a little e-e-e-embarrassing and we're n-not the point o-of this! It's to help the other countries in their time of need when it comes to love!_

I am sorry Matthew, you are right. *hair flip* Our job is to help others with their problems in the beautiful art of love. *dramatic pose* Matthew please read the letter while I collect myself again. *pulls Kleenex out of nowhere and dabs invisible tears*

_Okay… *sweat drops and opens the letter* It's from little Latvia and it says,_

_Dear Mr. France(and Mr. Canada),  
U-um well I h-heard about y-your advice c-column and I w-wanted some h-help.  
Y-you see I h-have - er - I r-really like m-my best f-friend Sealand. H-however I d-don't know w-what I s-should d-do with these f-feelings. S-should I k-keep them in o-or should I t-tell him? B-but if I t-tell him w-would he b-be grossed out? W-would he n-not want t-to be m-my friend anymore? T-the thought m-makes me w-want to c-cry.  
S-so you c-can see t-that I'm in a f-foreign d-development…  
I h-have no idea w-what to d-do.  
Any a-advice would b-be appreciated.  
(Oh! A-and before I f-forget, Hello Mr. Canada, t-thank you f-for seeing m-me as a-an independent n-nation those f-few years a-ago, also d-do you h-have any e-experience with P-Peter since y-you are a l-little bit l-like family to him (Mr. England h-had raised y-you for s-some time a-after all s-so does t-that mean y-your brothers? Or a-are you a-an uncle t-to him? M-maybe a n-nephew? W-wow that s-sounds d-difficult…) A-also what is it l-like dating Mr. France? W-was it e-ever weird s-seeing as h-how he r-raised you?)  
T-thank you f-for taking t-the time t-to read m-my letter,  
Latvia._

Isn't that sweet, young Latvia has a crush on young Sealand. *swoons* Young love is so beautiful.

_Yes it is. It's very sweet, cute, and innocent. It's also extremely adorable! *squeal* _

Oh Matthew, if only you were around when I was young we could have had that. But I had to spend most of my childhood with that bitchy England! *grumbles and bites finger*

_But you're older than him….. *sighs*_

I know, but still I spent most of that time with him! *sighs* Matthew tell Latvia what you think first since you now Sealand better than me. I'll also try to calm myself down a bit. *goes to emo corner*

_*pats his back* It's gonna be okay Francis….._

_Dear Latvia, You are welcome...I too know what it feels like to be ignored...*sigh* and I see your predicament I think you should tell Sealand your feelings. And I am like a uncle to Sealand, he sees America as a Father. um...w-well I guess like America did with England I fell in love with France...b-because he r-raised me._  
_I love dating Francis he treats with me with such love. Please do not be scared because Sealand has often told me that he had a crush on you too so please do not be afraid to tell him._

*slings his arm around him* Your like an uncle to him? So does that make me an uncle too?

_That didn't take long….._

But dear Latvia, I say you go ahead and tell him your feelings. If you don't tell him it will only lead to heartbreak. And from what Matthew says, little Sealand has a crush on you too.

Now if he didn't like or like boys in general, he shouldn't be 'grossed out' by you. If he really is your friend, he would accept you and still would want to be your friend.

But since you both have feelings for the other, only love would bloom for you two. Tell him, and a weight would be lifted off you.

It will sweet and cute, and if you're lucky, you might get your first kiss out of it~ hononhonhon~

_Wow Francis, you're good at talking to kids._

Thank you Matthew, that means a lot.

_Your welcome and you would be a great dad one day. *lays his head on him*_

*strokes his hair* Only one can hope.


	6. Ireland

*making out with Matthew* Honhonhon~ Matthew I can't get over the delicious way you taste~

_*blushes* I-i-it's only m-m-m-maple syrup….. _

*licks Matthew's lips* Mmmm Then I'm gonna have to eat you more often… *smirks*

_F-F-Francis! I-I-I think we're f-f-forgetting so-so-something!_

*kisses his neck* whatever it is, it can wait~

_*moans* I-I-I re-remember now! We-we have to d-d-do the l-l-letters! _

Whoever's letter it is can wait. I want to do you~ *lustful smirk*

_I-I-I'm sorry Francis, b-b-but there's s-s-someone who n-needs our help. *knee's Francis where his 'rose' is*_

*whining and groaning on the ground holding his 'rose'*

_I'm sorry Francis but we have to read this letter and help whoever it is with their problems._

_So let's see who it is from first. *opens the letter* It's from Ireland and it says_

_good morn to ya French scrubber. And you two little Canada_

_I know this is mainly an advise column for lovers and shet. but I gotta bit of a problem. I'm not all that sure should I be the only nation like this, but I don't feel particularly attracted to men OR women... this may sound weird from all the times you lot have seen me hit the whiskey, but not ONCE have I wanted or needed a lad or lass to lay beside me...I mean, I won't deny it, My past is one of the more crappier of the rest of us, and Maybe it was that scrubber England that flipped me into this back when he still ruled me, but I dunno...Maybe I'm just Asexual?_  
_If you have ANY advise or help I'd much appreciate it._

_Republic Of Ireland._

_Uhh…umm …ahh_

_Dear M-Mr. Ireland...I-I'm sorry I feel useless but I have no idea what to say. I'm going to leave this advice to F-Francis he knows more about love then me..._

_*shakes Francis* F-F-Francis are you f-f-feeling better? M-Mr. Ireland could really use s-s-some of your h-h-help._

*stands up shaky* Okay but you owe me for that stunt. Owww. *groans and sits on a couch*

Well, Ireland, I myself always loved the idea of having someone share my bed with me. If it was someone for only the night or Matthew, someone I want to share my bed with forever.

_Nice save….._

Until I found Matthew, I never actually thought about of being with them for more than a few hours a day. All I wanted was someone to satisfy my needs just for awhile back then.

But when I did find Matthew, I feel in love with him and everything changed for me. All I wanted was him, someone I actually loved and he loved me back.

At first, it was unknown to me because I never really loved anyone but I figured out what it was when I couldn't just let him go and be with someone else.

Now if you're asexual, there is nothing wrong with that. I know your brother England can be a major mood killer when it comes to affairs of the body but I dearest.

But you never know, you might find a, how you say, a 'lad or lass' that might bring up now found feelings that you might want to be with.

I say live your life and see what happens. If you keep these asexual feelings it is fine, be happy. If you find someone you actually love, be happy.

Just make sure you're happy with whatever life you live and enjoy it.

_*sits beside him* So did you really mean all that?_

Of course I did. Would I tell you something that I didn't mean?

_*blushes* N-no you w-wouldn't…_

Now you have to repay me for what you did earlier~

_*blushes heavily* O-oh r-really? I-I-I d-do?_

Yes~ I think it could use a good massage~ Honhonhonhonhon~

_*gets push down on the couch* Ma-ma-maple….._


	7. Norway

*takes out a camera* Honhonhon~ Matthew let me take pictures of you~

_*looks at him* W-w-what kind of p-p-pictures?_

Don't worry love, they'll be pictures only I would see~

_You mean l-like p-p-p-pornographic p-p-pictures?!_

No love, they are seductive photos that people take for the one they love. I want to take pictures of you in your rare seductive state. That would be the thing of beauty~ *swoons*

_*under his breath* And it will be homicide if I kill your ass…_

What was that Matthew?

_*rubs the back of his head* Oh i-it was n-n-nothing!_

Okay then. Now Matthew, unbutton your shirt and lay down your back. Hang your legs over the arm of the chair and look at the camera. *sets up the camera*

_Uhhhhh I will Francis, but w-w-we need to read the l-l-letter now._

*sighs* Fine, but I wanna take at least three pictures….

_We'll see, we'll see. *opens the letter* It's from Norway and it says_

_Dear that one blonde pervert,_

_I can't believe I'm actually coming to you with this problem but if I was to ask anyone else I knew, I'd never be able to live it down. I have this weird problem that whenever Denmark is near me I get all flustered and red in the face. He's also invaded my thoughts and I've had dreams where he's um you know I think I should just ask what the heck is wrong with me before you get any ideas, pervert._

_-Norge._

Honhonhonhon~ This will be fun~ besides the pervert part, but still. Oh too just break the news to him would- *gets interrupted*

_Dear Norway, um...sorry for interupting but I think it means you are in love with Denmark. *smiles shyly* I know what that feels like._

Matthew! I wanted to break it to him!

_I know Francis, but you were rambling and it was taking too long, so I went ahead and told him._

It is fine Matthew; it's good that you told him.

_Thank you Francis._

Your welcome, but yes dear Norway that does mean that you're in love with Denmark. The flustered and red in your face is a blush that comes over you when you're embarrassed.

That's so cute that you blush like a school girl when he's around you. I bet you look away and try to hide it when he looks at you. I can just picture like that Norway, trying to hide your blush from the one you love.

You also think and dream about him as well? Honhonhonhon~ what thoughts could one have and what delicious dreams you'll have?

If you dream about him pleasuring your body in many ways, that's you're pent up want to be with him. The want, the lust to have the man with you touching your body.

I bet right now that your getting hot and bothered thinking about that aren't you?

But yes, all that does equal up to that you are indeed in love with him.

Once you swallow your pride, go ahead and tell him you love him. When you do, you'll get to live out those sex dreams you have of him.

_You had fun with this didn't you Francis?_

Yes I did. But now I wanna have fun with you~ Honhonhonhonhonhon~

_*sigh* I was hoping you would have forgotten about that…_

Now why would I forget about you in seductive photos in sexy poses?

_True…_

And Matthew, if you do this for me, I will pose for pictures for you~

_*perks up* R-r-r-r-really?_

Yes~ Any pose, any clothes *whispers in his ear* and it does have be clothes~

_*blush* W-w-well I th-think I'll pose for s-s-some…._

Honhonhonhon~ Well then, I already got some costumes picked out for you in the next room~ you go change while I'll get the camera set up.

_*Still blushing and sighs* Maple….. *walks out to the other room*_


	8. Minnesota

Oh Matthew~

_*looks up from his book* What is it Francis?_

I have something for my sweet~ *pulls out a rose and hands him an envelope*

_*takes the envelope* What's in this one? It's too big to be a letter._

No it's not another letter. Just look inside if you wanna know what it is.

_Okay then… *opens it and takes whatever's in it out* F-F-F-FRANCIS! *instant nosebleed*_

*flips hair* yes it's the pictures of me for you.

_*blush* Y-y-yes I c-c-can see that! *flips throw the pictures* H-h-h-how can you ride a bike like that!? Is that Komajro!? _

*Kumajiro pops out of nowhere* Who are you?

_I'm Canada…. *flips throw more* W-w-w-what are those!? I've never s-s-s-seen these b-b-before! W-w-w-which way is up on this one!? *super nosebleed*_

Honhohonhonhonhonhonhonhonho n~ I don't think poor Matthew would recover in time to read the letter for today. So for today I'll read the letter for him~ *opens the letter*

Awww it's from one of America's children, Minnesota, and it says

Dear Uncle Matty and (technically) Grand-pere;  
I'm not looking for advice on my own love life (Connie and I are perfectly happy, TYVM), but rather how to get Papa and the bitchy Englishman together. Louisiana's tried voodoo spells multiple occasions, New York, Vermont, Maryland and a bunch of the others on the East coast teamed up to get them drunk, and California sent them both versions of the Kama Sutra (edited by her and Montana), and everybody else has tried a gazillion other things, but none of them seem to work! Someone else might've already asked you how to give them a push, but if they haven't I am, so any suggestions?  
Love (to Uncle Matty), Minnesota.

_*recovers* Oh Minnesota, I love you too._

*shocked* Grand-pere!? How am I a Grand-pere or grand anything!? I am only 26! I'm not old! I don't have grey hairs at all! I still have a high sex drive and I can always get it up! *sulks in his emo corner again*

_*sighs* Oh Francis….._

_Dear Minnesota, h-hello um...I think I know how you can try and get them together. You should tell my brother (idiot...) to be honest with him. I know my spazz of a brother can't do that! But he has to! It's for the best you could always slip two free tickets to Seychelles (I don't think England would like to go to Paris) for a romantic getaway for them both! I'm sure they'd love it!_

*still sulking* Yes they would…

And the reason why your plains didn't work is because, one; your father is an idiot and two; England has too much pride for his own well being.

Voodoo wouldn't work because it would be like forcing them. Plus with England's so called magic, he can probably smell it coming a mile away and do something about. And also, hello young Louisiana how are you?

Getting them drunk would only make things worse. England would just bitch and be depressed about how America, revolutionary war, and how he left him. And America would be extremely uncomfortable.

The Kama Sutra was a good idea. Such a shame that my people didn't write it but china's did. *sighs* My country is more known for the sexual acts and the art of it. But I am wondering about what's in it, I'll have to read it sometime and try those things. Honhonhonhonhon~ This didn't work because, again your Papa's an idiot and England mostly throw it away thinking it came from me.

But sometimes you just got to let things happen naturally. You can also, like Matthew said, give America a little push in the right direction. Help him figure out what to do.

A romantic trip for two would also help them. Just them alone with each other to help them realize their feelings for the other.

_I see your feeling better now._

Yes I am it's just the fact that I'm not old.

_Well you're not old to me…_

I'm not?

_No and believe me, *sits in his lap* you can still get it up._

Honhonhonhonhonhonhonhon~ You mean like now?


	9. Latvia 2

_Francis? Francis! Where are you? It's been quit to long around the house!_

*pops out of nowhere* Honhonhonhon~ Should I take that as an invasions to make some sweet noises with you~?

_That means I had no idea you were here!_

I've been here. I was just doing something in another room. *bends Matthew back* And I take it wasn't a no on the hot noisy sex then~?

_*blushes* Ah-ah-ah t-t-t-that's uhhhh*whispers* that's for later….._

*press their hips together and voices goes low* Why later? I can tell you want it now~ *grinds them together*

_*moans* F-F-F-Francis….._

Yes my Matthew? What is it that you want~?

_W-w-we have a-a-another letter to answer to…F-F-FRANCIS! *moans* _

*has his hand down Matthew's pants* Awwww but love let me satisfy you and take care your need~

_*try's to take his hand out* Mmmm~ No Francis…..not a-ah! Now.._

It doesn't sound like you want me to stop~

_I-I-I-I do w-w-want you to *rolls head back* stop~_

But your body, flushed checks, and plump panting lips, tells me to keep going~

_F-F-F-F-F-Francis~~~_

Yes Matthew~ Just relax and sink into the pleasure~ Release your desire love~

_F-Francis….. I'm close…._

Then come… *kisses him*

_*bites his lip and comes*_

Honhonhonhonhonhonhon~ You wanted that more then you thought…. *takes his hand out of Matthew's pants*

_*blushes like mad*_

Oh well, I'll go clean myself up as you read the letter~ *walks out*

_Maple… *fixes his clothes and opens the letter*Awwww it's a response from Latvia about what happened after we gave him our advice! _

*from another room* Really? Young Latvia wants to tell us about it! Isn't that nice~

_It is; it really is! It's our first response since we've been doing this._

Okay I'll be back in about a minute~

_Okay! I'm just about to ready the letter! Okay the letter says,_

_Dear Mr. France (and Mr. Canada)  
T-thank you! T-thank you! T-thank you! I t-took your a-advice and t-told Peter h-how I f-felt! I w-was so n-nervous but h-he had a-admitted his f-feelings for m-me too! A-and h-he! He! He!  
I'm s-sorry, I'm b-blushing as I t-think of it…  
W-well he k-kissed me! It w-was on t-the cheek!  
W-we're curious a-as to w-what a "true" k-kiss would f-feel like b-but we w-want to w-wait a m-moment before h-having our f-first kiss.  
Peter's a-asking why I'm b-blushing…  
A-and your right! I d-don't feel a w-weight on m-my shoulders I t-think I a-actually grew a f-few inches!  
W-we're both s-so happy!  
So t-thank you! T-thank you s-so much Mr. France and Mr. Canada!_

Mr. Canada  
T-thank you a-again!  
Peter s-see's Mr. America a-as a f-father? I w-would have t-thought he s-saw Mr. Sweden a-as a father… m-maybe a step-father? Does t-that make Mr. England t-the mother?  
N-now I'm g-giggling and Peter's t-trying to r-read the l-letter. I p-promised him c-cookies so h-he's not t-trying to g-get the l-letter anymore.  
S-so Mr. Canada, if Peter a-and I w-were ever t-to get m-married does t-that mean y-you( and m-maybe Mr. France) will b-be my uncle-in-law? (Its r-really too b-bad that m-my country h-has low r-regards for LGBT e-even going a-as far a-as to r-rewrite the c-constitution from "The State shall protect and support marriage, the family, the rights of parents and rights of the child. The State shall provide special support to disabled children, children left without parental care or who have suffered from violence." T-to "The State shall protect and support marriage – a union between a man and a woman, the family, the rights of parents and rights of the child." It's v-very disappointing.)  
I s-suppose I u-understand why y-you love Mr. France, of c-course I w-wouldn't judge y-you and I'm h-happy he t-treats you w-well.  
Thank y-you both a-again,  
Latvia.

_Oh my, this is just so cute and sweet!_

_Dear Latvia, I am so happy you two are happy together and yes Sealand sees both Sweden and America as father's...mainly because he is always around England so he sees America a lot because you know how much my brother likes to bug him...well um... I am so happy for you two! And if you get married that would make me even happier you two are so cute! But wait until you two are older *giggles*_

*comes back in* Awww young Latvia and young Sealand have gotten together! Awwwww such young love~

And he kissed you on the cheek? That is so adorable~

And if you wanna know what a kiss feels like; it's amazing~ their soft, velvet like lips pressed agents yours. The sweet taste of them.

How they move and lock with yours as you try to deepen the kiss.

But as children you might not get that far so early in your relationship.

Oh yes me and Matthew would love to attend yours and Sealand's wedding when you're older and become your uncle-in-laws. If you like, when the time comes and I know it will, you and Sealand can come and have the ceremony at Canada's house, since his bosses allow same sex marriage, and have the honeymoon at my house.

But don't let Sealand know, let it be a surprise.

_*giggles* It's so cute thanking about them._

Yes it is, young love and watching it bloom into something utterly beautiful.


	10. America

*cuddling with Matthew on the couch*

*playing with curl in Matthew's hair* Oh Matthew I am so jealous of your bear….

_You're jealous of Komajiro? Why?_

Because you hold him so tight in your soft arms, he gets to sit in your warm lap almost all day long, pressed agents your slim body for long periods of time….

_*blushes* W-well Francis, w-w-we can a-always d-d-do that i-i-i-if y-y-you wa-want too._

*smirks* Honhonhonhon~ Really I can now~?

_Y-y-yes you can._

And can I treat you like a little pet too~?

_Y-y-yes you can._

Honhonhonhon~ *pulls Matthew closer to him and cups his member*

_*panics* F-F-FRANCIS! WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING!_

Nothing~ All I wanna do is hold and pet my sweet little birdie~ *rubs him*

_*struggles* No Francis! W-wait I just r-r-remembered something!_

Awww~ What is it my little bird~ *breaths in his ear*

_The letters! Yea we have letters to read and answer!_

The letters are paper love~ They can always wait~ My birdie needs to be petted now~

_*pushes off him and falls to the floor* The letters need our attention now!* runs to get the letter*_

*sits back up* Awww and I thought my birdie was enjoying that… shayla ve!

_*comes back with the letter and sits next to Francis* Okay, I'm back._

Okay then love, start us off!

_Okay! *opens the letter* Oh no…._

*raises an eyebrow* What is it Matthew?

_*sighs* It's from my brother….._

Oh…. *slumps down*

_Alright, he says, _

_Dear Frenchie,_

_Hey Mattie? What's up bro? Old Francy pants treating you well? Because if he isn't just say the word and I'll kick his ass for you because I'm the hero! So, I like have this problem with Briton, I've been trying to get him to go on a date with me, but the last time I asked him he got all pissy with me! He started yelling at me, and asked me "Wouldn't you rather go and snog with that bloody cheese eating surrender monkey?" I asked him WTF was he talking about and he told me not to play dumb and that he saw me with France and whatev! I was like "Dude! I am sooo not dating France!" But he didn't believe me! I think he has mistaken Matty with me! So, How can I get England to understand that I'm not with you?_

_Love,(As in I'm ending the letter not in the you know, let's date way)_

_America_

_Dear Alfred...hey brother, I'm doing fine and I love him. He's treating me fine. I think the only way he will believe it if me you and France are in the same room._  
_That's all I can think of...how about you Francis?_

First off, why wouldn't I be treating your brother well? I treat him well in so many ways~ Honhonhon~ *moves closer to him*

_*blushes* Francis nooo! My brother doesn't need to know that!_

Well he wanted to know so I told him.

_*sighs* Okay, just continue…_

And second, I AM NOT A CHEESE EATING SURRENDER MONKEY! I HAVE HAD THE WORLD'S GEARTEST GENERAL FIGHT FOR ME! MY COUNTRY IS KNOWN FOR ITS CUISINE AND ITS FASHEN! UNLIKE YOU, WHO'S FOOD CANN USED TO PAVE HIGHWAYS AND FASHIN SENCE IS QUESTIONABLE! YOU CATAPILLUR EYEBROWED-DRUNKEN-WANTS TO BE A PIRETE-THANKS HE'S A GENTLMEN-BLACK SHEEP OF EUROPE!

_*sighs* Are you done yet France?_

*heavy breathing* Yes….

_Is it out of your system?_

For now, yes….

_Good now get back to helping my brother._

Okay love. *deep breath*

Back to what Matthew said, we all are probably going to have to be in the same room for England to see that you and dear Matthew are brothers and that you both also look very similar.

For the life of me, I can not see how people can get my sweet, beautiful, sexy, diligent, soft spoken Matthew confused for you. And other times, they just don't see him.

How could England even think that me and you would even date? I can't picture it, the thought of its self sound pretty stupid…..

Now that I think about it, England was maybe drunk. When he's like that, all he thinks, talks, sees, and hears is you.

Honhonhon~ England got jealous thinking his want to be lover was with me~

_They don't realize that they only have eyes for each other…._

Once they get over the pride and stupidity, it will be a match made in heaven~ …..or maybe hell….

_True…._


	11. Germany

Oh Matthew~

_*reading a book* Yes Francis?_

I want you to come here and taste this cake I made~

_*closes the book and blushes* Francis! If it's your dick again!_

No no no Matthew~ It's an actual cake this time my love~ but if you want~ Honhonhonhon~

_*sweat drop* No I'm fine with just an actual cake…_

Oh okay then….but really come here I want you to try it.

_Okay Francis. *walks to the kitchen* _

*holds out a fork full* Say 'ahhhh' Matthew~

_Ahhhhh~ *takes in a fork full* This is delicious! _

Thank you~ This in a new creation of mine.

_Then it's your best work!_

No you know I can always out do myself~

_*blushes* Francis!_

What? This time I was actually talking about cooking.

_Oh well….in that case….. *looks down*_

Oh it is fine Matthew; if you want you can have more of the cake when you're done reading the letter and giving your advice.

_Really I can!? *eyes sparkle*_

Yes you can.

_And you also remembered that we have a letter!_

Yes I did. *holds up letter*

_*takes it and opens it up* It's from Germany!_

Honhonhonhonhonhon~ I wonder what he has to tell us about young Italy~ *smirks*

_*ignores him* Okay it says, _

_Dear Herr France und Herr Canada,  
This is embarrassing for me to write to you but I'm having romance problems. For the past years spending time with Italy, I have started to developed feelings for him und I don't know how to tell him that I love him. I'm not the best at romance und I want to make it special for Italy, he is Italian after all. I'm not even sure he likes me back, I mean I am always yelling at him und being very harsh on him. Mein Gott, I'm not good at expressing my feelings. Well, if you have the time will you help me out? Also, if possible, could you tell Prussia that he needs to stop drinking all my beer, he won't listen to me.  
From, Germany_

_Dear Germany, I-I am sure Italy does love you. I don't know him that well but when he comes around France's house and I'm there he won't ever stop talking about you. _  
_All you need to do is show him your affections even if it is hard. Just take him out on a few dates here and there to make him feel loved._  
_A-and I'll tell France to talk to Prussia about your beer..._

*ignores the part about the beer* Okay Matthew you can now go and eat more of the cake~

_Yay! *runs off*_

Well Germany, Italy does love you. The only two things he talks about is pasta and you, and for awhile now, I've been hearing more about you more than pasta if that's even possible.

Whenever he's in trouble who does he call on? You. Who is it that he always wants to make happy. You. Who does he thinks is his best friend? You. Who make him upset when he thinks they're leaving him? You. Whose bed does he always want to sleep in? yours. Who does he think about all the time every day? It's you. Everything about Italy comes back to you, Germany.

Look at it Germany. Italy hates training, true without any doubt. But he shows up willing, ready, and eager every time. Just ask yourself why he would do that.

Just take him out on dates every now and again. Take him places he would love and have fun yourself.

Let Italy see that you do have these feelings for him. Do little nice things for him that show you care.

And when the time is right, tell him you love him and give him a light kiss in the lips.

I promise Italy will not object. He will be more then eager to receive a kiss from you.

And that beer was good~ Even for it being warm….

_*comes back with a mouth full of cake* you've been drinking his beer!?_

Uhhhhhhh….. No….

_You just said you did!?_

Don't kill me Germany….


	12. Raven

_France…_

*asleep* ZzzZZzzzZ

_France, France wake up!_

*moans* Yes Matthew~ More~ Honhonhonhon~

_Ewww what dream are you having?_

Honhon~ Oh yes~ the more the merrier~

_*raises an eyebrow* More who?_

*moans still asleep* Who wouldn't want to be in bed with me~ exotic China, passionate Italy, spicy Romano, spunky England, trilling Austria~

_*eyebrow twitches* Okay I had enough of this…. *punches him in the stomach* _

*wakes up and groans holding his stomach*

_*smiles with his eyebrow still twitching* I see you're awake now…_

Oww…. What was that for sweet Matthew?

_Oh I don't know…. Let's try exotic China, passionate Italy, spicy Romano, spunky England, trilling Austria, does those things sound familiar? _

*remembers his dream* Oh Matthew that was only a dream~ *rubs his back*

_*smiles* Oh yes I know~ *throws a book hard in his lap*_

*groans* Matthew…

_*takes letter out his pocket* And now for me to read the letter._

_*opens it* It's from Raven! And it says,_

_Dear Francis and Matthew,  
It's me Raven, you know Hungray's daughter, and well you see I have a little problem I was hoping you could help me with. I've been in love with Lithuania for about two years now. No matter what I do he never even looks my way anymore. Mom says that he likes me, but I don't believe her. A little help would be a god send!  
Your friend,  
Raven_

_Hello Raven, well I know that Lithuania is a shy man..l-like me...and um...well maybe you should just show him you care by perhaps hugging him or something. I know he has a weakness for pretty girls and you are very pretty!  
Maybe play a little hard to get too! I-I mean...h-he liked Belarus and Poland before...so playing hard to get would be best..._

_Okay, your turn Francis._

Okay….. *watches him*

Well judging by his previous crushes, he apparently likes being donated.

Belarus, that creepy-scary woman, after everything she did to him, he still wanted to be with her. Hell, the crazy woman broke his hands and fingers just for the fun of it.

Poland basically used his as a toy. He played with him when he got bored and throw him away when he got bored of him.

When Russia took him away, Poland didn't do anything to take him back.

But Lithuania always went to him when he needed help.

And Russia….. *dark aura*

With all the unspeakable things Russia does to him and his friends, it's a real mystery why they stay…

Being nice to him wouldn't at all. Really he could use a lot more people being nice to him if being abused is something he responds too….

Try being mean to him first to get his attention. I wouldn't say being as mean as Belarus, but be your own kind of mean for him to notice you.

Then after you have his attention, be nice. Show him you care and with any luck, he'll respond positively to it.

_*comes back in with an ice pack* How are you feeling?_

Somewhat better.

_Oh okay, I got you an ice pack._

Thank you Matthew, that is so sweet of you. *reaches out to get it*

_*throws it in his lap* Your welcome~_

Ahhhh! Matthew!

_Have fun with your ice~ *leaves*_


	13. Latvia 3

Matthew…..

_*reading a book* Yes?_

Are you still mad at me?

_*flips a page* Nope._

You're lying. Yes you are.

_No I'm not._

You are. You locked me out of our room for about a week now. *sad look*

_*flips a page* No I didn't. You never tried opening the door._

I have. I tried at least an hour a night trying to get it opened.

_Well then I'm sorry._

No you're not…..

_Your right, I'm not. *flips a page*_

*sighs* Matthew what can I do to make it up to you?

_I don't know….._

You don't know?

_No I don't._

*sighs*

_*puts the book down and has a happy go lucky smile* Okay let's get to our letters!_

*tries to cheer up somewhat* Okay let's get this started.

_Okay! *gets the letter off the couch*_

This is creepy…

_*starts to open the letter* Oh really? It is? *eye twitches*_

*scared* No it's not!

_Good~ * Opens the letter* Awww~ it's from sweet Latvia and it says,_

_Dear Mr. France and Mr. Canada.  
I'm in n-need of some help o-once again, I hope you d-don't mind.  
Well Peter h-has told me that he w-wants to go out on a date, but I d-don't know what would be a good t-thing to do as a first date. Do we perhaps h-have a picnic or go out? Do y-you suppose you could help by t-telling me what would be a good place or thing to do for a f-first date, please?  
Sorry if I'm b-being bothersome.  
Dear Mr. Canada,  
Of course! M-marriage would obviously be in the future but I think Peter h-has learned some things from Mr. Sweden. He had taken to calling m-me his wife but now he calls me his husband…huh. It's a rather funny c-change, first being wife and now b-being husband.  
Dear Mr. France,  
Oh, really? Seems n-new and slightly strange, we'll be waiting for the right m-moment. That'll seem nice, I think Peter w-was thinking the same thing since h-he asked if I would mind going to Canada in an u-unmentioned number of years for some reason he wouldn't tell me. He's r-rather easy to read and I had smiled and s-said that I wouldn't mind at all. I t-think Paris is lovely though I have n-never visited the place unfortunately. I'll make s-sure to convince Peter to let me decide w-where the honeymoon will take place, even though I s-shouldn't really think that far a-ahead  
Thank you again,  
Latvia._

_Cheer up Francis; it's another letter from Latvia!_

Oh I do love the letters he sends.

_Yes, he is a sweet child~ Sooo~_

_Dear Latvia, a picnic sounds like a cute idea for a first date...o-oh I-I heard that in England there is a carnival t-take Sealand there an-and you might have your first kiss in the ferris wheel. *blushes happily*_

_Better now?_

_Yes, I am._

_So you may talk now._

_I will._

_Ahhhh~ yes, a picnic would be good for a first date. You two can be alone and get to know each other more. Just sit, talk, eat, and enjoy the others company. _

_The__carnival is also a good idea. There you can show off in front of young Sealand and impress him. _

_Win him prizes and take him on rides so you can both snuggle up together and when Sealand can hold on to you when he gets scarred. Also the ferris wheel is a good place to have your first kiss and a lot of…other things~ happen there too~_

_*chimes in* Don't tell him that! *blushes*_

_And that is pretty cute, calling you his husband~_

_I know it might sound strange at first, but you'll warm up to it sooner or later._

_I can already see now how you two would be happy together in wedded bliss. You both are facing each other in a church, looking with pure love into the others eyes. Nothing matters at that very moment. _

_I and Canada would be happy to see you two be married when the time comes. And Paris is very lovely, you would enjoy it for your honeymoon~_

_Oh Latvia, you will never be a bother to us, we don't mind helping you out with your young love~_

_Oh, and France?_

_Yes?_

_Pancakes._

_Huh?_

_Pancakes and maple syrup. As much as I want. _

_And what's that for?_

_For me to stop being mad at you and for you to come into our room again._

_*eyes sparkle* I can? Really!_

_Yes. And you can come back tonight._

_Hell yes! *runs off to the kitchen*_

_*giggles* Good boy~_


	14. Kentucky

Oh Matthew~

_*looks at him* Yes Francis?_

I have a gift for you~~

_*angry blushing* I swear if it's-!_

No no no love, it's not that I promise.

_*calms down* Well, if it's not __that__, then what is it?_

*wags finger* Nuh uh uh dear Matthew~ I'm not going to tell you, but you have to guess what it is.

_Well if it's not __that__….._

And it's not.

_Then *thinking* is it pancakes?_

Nope~

_Is it maple syrup? _

Nope~

_Is it Kobimaru?_

Nope~

Kumajiro: Who are you?

_I'm Canada, but is it my brother?_

Why would I have him? But still nope~

_Is it-this is coming from you right?_

Right~

_*sighs* Then that can only mean one thing…_

And that is?

_That in the end, it's really meant for you, and defiantly involves sex…_

*gives a thumbs up* That's right!

_*sighs* So just show me what it is already…._

*pulls it from behind his back* Ta-da! *revels a short, frilly maids dress* Your gift~

_*throws a shoe at him* GIFT MY BIG TOE!_

Owww…. *passes out*

_*goes back to normal* Okay, now that's over with, *peppy attitude* Let's read the letters!_

_*opens letter* It's from Kentucky! And it says, _

_Dear Uncle Matthew and (Uncle?) France,  
Hi! How's it going? I'm good. Anyway I need som help, and Minnesota says you give good advice so here goes. See, I really like Jamie (Tennessee), but I don't know how to tell him, and he just doesn't see me even though geographicaly I right above him and I might not be all that nice to him when Uk Wildcats play basketball against his team on t.v. and I only just realised that I like him and we've been rivals for a while and I just don't know how to get him to realise that I don't hate him! And on top of that every time I try to be nice to him he thinks I'm trying to set him up for a humiliation. I'm not really! I kinda like arguing with him, but I don't know how to do that and still get him to like me! Please help!  
Love,  
Casey Amelia Jones  
a.k.a  
Kentucky  
P.s. Thanks for the advice about dad and the Scone-Git._

_Um...well I think the best way for you to get him to notice you is to be honest with how you feel! It's the only suggestion I can think of. *blushes* I'm sure it will work. Of course gifts help too...I-i was buried underneath roses everyday by France..._

_*throws another shoe at France* Okay get up, it's your turn._

*gets up smiling with blood running down his face* Oh yay it's my turn~~

_*whispers under breath with a sweat drop* I think I hit him to hard….._

Well Miss Kentucky, haven't you thought about that he might like the things are between you too?

He might have feelings for you too, but he's probably scared that things might change.

I think what you two love about each other is the rivalry. The trill and the passion of it, the fun you two have.

When I think about it, I see you two arguing and all of a sudden you just say that you love him. That's the only way I can of you telling him with you being scared or nervous.

Giving him gifts and being nice wouldn't hurt but if arguing is something you both enjoy, don't stop it.

When you get together still be your selves and in the end still love each other.

_*walks back into the room wearing the maids outfit* Hey, this isn't that bad…_

Oh my Matthew~~

_Oh no…._

Honhonhonhonhon~~~~


End file.
